Obviously Out of my League
by Lady Krissy Jo
Summary: Wheatley is entranced by his silent coworker and goes to Rick for advice. Nothing good will come out of it, or will it?
1. Obviously Out of my League

Okay, why am in such a posting mood? Oh well, whatever. This one inspired by the song 'Obviously' by McFly. Whenever I hear it, I think of Wheatley. Once again, please review just don't flame!

ANY AND ALL CHARACTERS MENTIONED BELONG IN THEIR NORMAL FORMS TO VALVE. HUMAN WHEATLEY'S DESIGN BELONGS TO Forte-girl7 ON DEVIANTART!

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><p>For not the first time, Stephen Wheatley was staring at the object of his utter most love. This was such a common sight that their coworkers have given up on even teasing him and have moved straight into betting pools. It was sad almost, a few joked, that out of all the people he had to have a crush on it would end up being the office's resident mute.<p>

No one had ever heard Chell speak, except for the higher-ups when she absolutely had no choice. Rumors flew about from the modest (she's anti-social) to the absurd (The Mafia cut out her tongue). As far as they knew, she had no friends or family. At every office party, she stood silently against the wall until she could leave.

Well, they were unknowingly wrong about something. Someone else HAD heard her talk. Wheatley proudly relished in that fact without anyone knowing. The memory was fresh in his mind, as THE moment.

_She's in the parking lot outside with a black eye and bloody nose. I hesitate before I approach her, but sure enough, I walk over. She instantly snaps to look at me and for a second I toy with the idea of running away. "Here, let me check your eye," I speak softly, like one would a wild animal and it seems to work. The woman, Chell I think her name was, backs down and lets me look._

_Its not too bad, but I pull out my handkerchief to dab at it. She seems to be relaxing so I manage to speak. "Why happened?" There were rumors buzzing that she attacked someone, but I will myself not to believe it, even after I watched them cart the man out in an ambulance._

_I wasn't expecting an answer, and the silence seem to validate this idea. "...They were mocking an intern... I told them to knock it off and they didn't listen."_

_"You're not mute!" I blurt out and instant regret it after getting a taste of her glare. "No, no, that came out bad, I mean, no one's heard you talk before! I mean, right, lets change the subject." Chell seems to lighten up at my rambling, something I don't think anyone has ever seen. "So you attacked him?"_

_"I punched him." She clarified. "He was calling this woman a horrible person just because she was overweight." That explained it._

_I'm quiet before throwing in a, "Well, then the tosser deserved it." Chell looks at me in surprise before a smile broke out. I'm taken back but then nearly fall over from shock when she laughs. And I can't help but think, when I see this face finally happy, that if she didn't stop soon, I just might fall in love with her._

_I mean, if I hadn't already when I first saw her._

Not that he had any idea how to act on it. Groaning, he let his head drop on the keyboard. Here he was, in love with the most beautiful woman ever, and every time he tried to tell her ended up... well... not so great, we'll say. After every accident and and verbal foot in mouth, it was a miracle she didn't hate him. But after Wheatley just spilled boiling hot coffee on her new white shirt or broke something of value, she'd just smile like it amused her and then he'd be blushing and bumbling again. Something had to be done.

But what? Wheatley ran his fingers through his red hair. He hadn't had much experience with women before. What if he failed so bad she'd swear him off forever? But... But what if he asked someone _with_ experience? He knew just the guy.

Rick hadn't been happy to be pulled away from the new hot coworker but he was the 'best at his game.' Wheatley practically begged for help, to please please please help him win Chell please! The so-called office explorer considered his friend with no small amount of smugness. "I guess I could..." At that moment, any normal person would have felt terrified. Wheatley, however, was not any normal person.

Chell glanced up as Wheatley approached nervously. She smiled in silent happiness. The nervous redhead had always amused her and made her feel like, well, not a mute bitch. But why did he look so afraid and blushing, she wondered, and what was written on that list he just pulled out of his pock-

"Ilostmyphonenumber,canIhaveyours, Ifyouwerealaseryou'dbesetonstunning, Isithotinhereorisitjustyou, You', , doyouknowwhat'dlookgoodonyou?Me!" Wheatley leaned against the cubical wall, out of breath. He desperately tried to catch it as Chell look on, stunned. But when she started biting her lip and decidedly NOT falling into his arms like Rick said she would, he got the feeling that this was backfiring.

Chell had no idea he was trying to actually win her over and that instead this was a joke. So, she snorted and then started to giggle. Wheatley's heart sank and mumbled apologies before flee from the area. The woman instantly sobered up. "Wheatley! Wait!"

The red-head, however, ignored her and the sting of tears in his eyes. Of course she'd laugh at him! He never had a chance, should have just enjoyed being her friend. He managed to dodge her and anyone else all the way to the parking lot. He'd go home, cry his eyes out to his cat, eat ice cream and take a vacation that would hopefully give her time to forget how he humiliated himself. Maybe if he was lucky, she'd suffer a minor case of serious brain damage during that time. Yeah. Not that he wanted to hurt her, but if it was just enough that she forg-

Wheatley's train of thought was cut-off by a tackle. Yelping, he landed on his back in the grass, pinned by some terrifying foe. "Don'thitmeDon'thitme!" Nothing. Cautiously, he cracked a bright blue eye open. It was Chell. Even worse. "E-Ello?"

Chell's mirth was long gone now and replaced with worry and a smidgen of annoyance. "Wheatley, what's wrong."

"W-Well, my best friend just tackled me out of nowhere," He laughed nervously, "That's top of the list." Her gray-brown eyes narrowed in disbelief and tightened her grip on his wrist. Wheatley winced, in humiliation and terror. "And... and you just laughed at me."

There is was. Chell climbed off of him and let him sit up, rubbing at his wrists. "I thought you were kidding around."

Good and bad news right there. Dual sided blade. Wheatley put on a fake smile. "I was!"

"Liar." Of course Chell would see through him.

Wheatley sighed and pulled his knees up to his chin. There was a small pause of silence, before he finally spoke. "I wasn't. Well, they were ridiculous but I had went to Rick for advice, that no good as-"

Chell gently spoke. "Advice for what?"

Well, there was no getting out of it this time. Wheatley stiffened and tried to man himself up. And looked at her. Despite her being covered in leaves and grass stains, Chell looked beautiful. Just like when they met. "I love you, Chell. I-I'm sorry, I know I'm not enough for someone as amazing as you, but..."

She interrupted him with a kiss. Wheatley hesitated and kissed back. However, this kiss was rapidly becoming a make-out session behind the bushes. Caroline Glados, who was walking by, snorted. "Get a room, you filthy apes." Wheatley sat back up, hair ruffled up and tie crooked. Chell just stood up and brushed herself off before offering him a hand. He gladly accepted.

"So... does this mean you'll be willing, maybe, for dinner tonight? At The Royale, maybe?"

Chell jokingly pretended to ponder the question. "Hmm... On one condition." He blinked and waited for it, prepared to do anything. "You never use any of those lines again." Deal.

New plan. Go home, clean self up, rave to the cat about how amazing today was, frame Rick for something illegal and go out on a date with Chell. Sounded like a ball.

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><p>Okay, so the image of him blurting out all those lines makes me crack up. Anyways, I'm trying to come up with a new plot for any Portal characters. If you come up with any, either leave it in the reviews andor PM me, and if I like it, I'll write it. Any genres or Pairing is up for the grabs!


	2. THE REVENGE OF WHEATLEY

A short little sequel to 'Obviously!' This was requested by Witchjuliana12! Sorry its so short, but I hope that the idea is still enough for a good laugh XD I know it made me smile writing it!

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><p>Rick looked around the empty corner and then at his watch. '8:10 PM' it flashed. Damn Wheatley, the boy (he was no man in his eyes) had called and said he wanted to hook him up with some hot friend of his. The idea of some sexy yet lonely nerd sounded amazing to him. She'd be no problem to seduce, if she'd ever show up that is.. Especially for someone as amazing as him! But where was the girl? And why'd he have to wear a pink shirt for her to see him? Rick did wonder about that, but if this was what it took...<p>

Nevermind that, there was the car pulling up right now. The door popped open and he slid into the passenger seat. "Hello, sexy." Mmm, sexy indeed. Creamy legs, nice breasts, even the glasses made her cuter. "So, how about we go to your place?" The woman brushed her hair back, nice shiny blond hair, and smiled.

"How about a hotel? I have money, sexy." Oh hot damn, this woman was perfect!

Rick flashed his 10-star smile at the woman. "Certainly! Lets go!"

The woman waggled her finger. "Ah ah, let me get something first." Theres handcuff (oo, kinky) and a badge-?

"You're under arrest for prostitution. You have the right to remain silen-"

What? Oh he _didn't_! "GODDAMMIT WHEATLEY!" Suddenly, there's a tazer and- "OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!"

From their vantage point Chell, wearing a light blue evening dress, and Wheatley, in his favorite white suit, snickered. "Oh, that is single-handedly the greatest idea I have ever had." He pulled his glasses off and wiped away his tears of mirth. "Lord almi- is she calling backup?" This sent Chell into another fit of hysterical laughter. "Should I feel bad, luv?"

"N-Not at all." She leaned against Wheatley's shoulder and gazed down at their friend being dragged off in cuffs. "This is definitely the oddest first date ever."

"Well," Wheatley looked down at her and carefully wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "You should see what I'll do for a second date. Or third. Or every date, if you want." Chell looked up in amusement and nodded. Nothing could hide the warmth that flowered in his chest. "So... luv, correct me if I'm wrong, but does that mean we're...?"

"Yeah, we are." Wheatley blushed and sputtered, trying express his joy. Instead, he just kissed her as the red and blue lights disappeared into the night.

Wheatley made a mental note to pay Rick's bail. Least he could do, he supposed.


End file.
